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Mad ScribblingPhilosophical Crap of Envious Bunny 9月25日 La Cosa NostraWhat is an adult? I have an impression that widely it is understood as a driving license, legal sex, and free will to do everything you please. That’s the impression That my own class population gave me. Maybe it’s wrong to judge all the humanity by behavior of 30 people, but lets. It is indeed strange to see an 18 – 19 year olds acting like when I was 15. So when (if) do we turn adults?
My idea is that some of us never will, some of us won’t grow up into a decent personalities and the there will be the ones to respect as they Will eventually grow up. It leaves only two or three that could be respected now. Adult is not a physical state, it is state of mind. Who form our minds? Tutoring and surroundings, but I dare say, not friends. The real and self conscious personality could not be influenced by another. “Surroundings” – books, philosophy, history and common intelligence – and “tutoring” – value system mostly formed by adults, creates something rare – “orbicular” personality. Adults! What goes wrong if the one to form this precious system is not a full fledged adult? We get the whole family tree of idiots, with very rare exceptions. These exceptions are mostly people that, as I’ve already mentioned, could not be influenced by others, so they can take only theory from “surroundings” and put them in use when it comes to real life. When man, even unconsciously, takes it upon themselves to tutor itself into a solid being, he’s already climbing to the adulthood. Very different situation is when personality is very fragile and could be easily influenced or, when you don’t have a real adult around. It either turns out that value scale is as admirable as the Europe economics scale after WW1 and WW2, or personality is simply two flawed, with too many gaps even in common understanding of itself and “surroundings”. Or both.
Another question – when do people grow up? “To grow up” is a very flawed definition. We do not stop growing up. Just in one case, when we reach The Point, it’s either to continue or degrade. People just turn adults – right personalities - or don’t.
What is funny, if you believe my theory, your fate is decided. You either have a bud of personality or you just don’t. If we believe Camus, we all have the ‘bud’, you might as well one day just snap out of it and understand that you no longer want to be a machine with set mode. I know just one – creative minds have always been known to survive any kind of bad training. And the joke of the day – greenies will always hate adults, as in time we hate which we often fear. Am I an adult? No, but I’m on my way. Do I believe in this Hitler-ish little speech I just gave? Yes, but I’m sure I’ll regret this answer sometime later.
And now thank you for enduring my fits and reading this.
Someday, with any bad luck, yours, but not likely anyway,
A. 8月4日 Suns waggeryWind blows and strangles my breath,
I see his reflection in raindrop falling
So kitsch – sickly sweet…
Crawling down my skin.
Hysterical sun turned off the mood,
Bit my cheek – left hickey;
So just like him,
So tricky.
Light blows my illusions
And I curse sun
For this damned confusion
To love or hate.
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Pointless in every sense, in every glance and every feeling. Pain will do its educating, first lesson – merciless soul beating.
How peculiar it is. Every now and then I feel… Adventure, cruel but not evil, haunting me. And then… it is my bliss.
Later, like in tale with no good ending, personal monsters appear. So hellish with their cryptic meaning. They are here with their sidekick fear – They’ll make you swallow it and bear.
See you can not, and see me not… as I am no longer here. It’s time to leave fear.
But she would not leave me.
Never expect to find, but look. As a friend in need… And I will need you. Wish me luck. Please, owe me this fee.
I am leaving… A month, two… three. Leave me a word. Calming… to soothe. Maybe it will be all I need. Be well, Friends. And wish me good luck as I am on the dead run. I leave this inscrutable message with promise I be well. Egoistic to think you will care, but I crave for it to be true.
My goodbyes with hope of hellos
6月13日 Emotional fever
6月3日 ~ 365 days
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